Sorry to Rashida Jones for the complete engineering meltdown on our end. Your pony is in the mail. https://t.co/pfOk236hQr https://t.co/NApqrfnWpR

What they tell you -  "You can't run away from your problems."
What I have found - You can outrun 8% of them.

My father has always cast a long shadow in my life. Mostly because he’s thin and only comes out at sunset.

I can’t remember the last time I was this shocked by an NBC programming decision.

Listen up PA. Register to vote by 10/19 or I'll come to Erie and tell terrible jokes in person. https://t.co/zbQhrUOZkQ https://t.co/3KynWA5LGc

If you like my conversation with @HillaryClinton, you’ll love our travelogue series "Biker Buddies" – coming soon to Quibi. https://t.co/pfOk236hQr https://t.co/F67YP2mh6I

Michiganders: If you like democracy but you don't vote, you're not playing euchre with a full deck. Register by 10/19 @ https://t.co/zbQhrUOZkQ https://t.co/PWKGA6LTuJ

Damn —  @WillieNelson came on the podcast and he was absolutely fantastic. Even I will listen to this episode, and I don't like me. https://t.co/pfOk236hQr https://t.co/8qtQBAUhlU

I love the fall: The crisp air, the colorful trees, the ever-present sense of looming annihilation.

With so much chaos happening right now, I worry today many Americans have forgotten to celebrate Mario Lopez's birthday.

There's nothing like playing a COVID-safe version of "Mystery Train" with my friend @JimmyVMusic. Much thanks to the warriors of @TruetoneMusic! https://t.co/9L12k3FYaA

And here I was thinking President's mandatory game of Duck, duck, goose in the Oval Office couldn't get any more irresponsible.

ATTN. People who live in Wisconsin: Not registering to vote would be like trading up in the first round of the NFL draft to take a QB who's still years away from being a viable starter. Register by 10/14 @ https://t.co/zbQhrUOZkQ https://t.co/6N1RpHkZrw

Which doctor has to tell him he caught the virus from hugging a flag?

Looks like Mike Pence has locked up the white suburban mortician vote.

I’m sorry, but how can dogs play at a time like this?

My favorite game to play these days is guessing whether a tweet about current events will be irrelevant 4 words into writing it or just 3.

Good luck getting paid, Walter Reed.

The last time North Carolina citizens didn't vote, we got the Winston-Salem Building. Don't let it happen again. Register to vote by 10/9 @ https://t.co/zbQhrUOZkQ https://t.co/706bGIj79Z

Learn why @iamcolinquinn thinks we need an alcoholic president @ https://t.co/pfOk23nSHZ https://t.co/uwNYGV6zyl